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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29902524">precious present</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandrasDreamworld/pseuds/CassandrasDreamworld'>CassandrasDreamworld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Lambert gets a pony!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:48:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29902524</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandrasDreamworld/pseuds/CassandrasDreamworld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a testament of how unnaturally good a day it’s been so far that he’s even considering this.</p>
<p>“Fine. You don’t have any coin to pay me, so I demand the Law of Surprise- what you find at home yet don't expect.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or: Lambert gets a pony.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lambert (The Witcher) &amp; Original Pony Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>precious present</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello hello! I hope you enjoy this silly little fic! And enjoy the art I did for it and suffered for lmao</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's a testament of how <em> unnaturally </em> good a day it’s been so far that he’s even considering this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t have a wife, do you?” Lambert asks, eyebrow raised and arms crossed before his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The farmer he had just saved shakes his head, his face painted with confusion. “Nay, Master Witcher, just me and me husband.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, this <em> could </em>be a blessing. “Not wanting for a child either?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... Nay. We’re too old, and my niece will take over the farm after us.” He seems unsure now, and very much blindsided by the questions. Whatever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine. You don’t have any coin to pay me, so I demand the Law of Surprise- what you find at home yet don't expect.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man looks stunned and swallows, then slowly nods, “Aye, that’s fair. Our farm ‘s not too far off.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nods in the direction where the farm, presumably, is. Lambert grunts and turns to the monster corpses on the ground next to them. Fucking Nekkers. At least there were only two, a quick kill for any Witcher and the only reason he doesn’t press for coin. They were basically dead the moment he drew his sword.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With some annoyance he clicks his tongue. They were old fuckers too, and starved, he won’t get any ingredients out of them he’d want to use. A localized, quick and scorching Igni has them up in flames immediately. He holds the sign until the bodies are nothing but ash, and dissipates that and the smoke, as well as any smell, with a fanned out Aard. No need to attract any other creatures nearby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He ignores how green the farmer turned and just motions for him to show the way. The man complies with maybe a bit too much enthusiasm trying to get away from the now non existent corpses, and stumbles forwards slightly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Managing to catch himself, he throws a near <em> sheepish </em> look over his shoulder and goes on as if nothing has happened. Lambert rolls his eyes and follows. Humans and their delicate sensibilities. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the walk the man kneads his hands, the smell of his nervousness permeating the air and making his nose itch. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, “If you have a question, fucking ask it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He only slightly finds satisfaction in making the man jump at his words. “Ah. I was wonderin’- Well, why did ye ask about children?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert looks ahead and tries to figure out how anyone could be this dense. “Do I <em> look </em> like someone you’d trust with a child, huh? Nevermind where the fuck I’d keep it, can’t very well take em on the Path now can I?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yes, <em> oh </em>. Unbelievable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They don’t talk for the rest of the walk, which is just fine with Lambert honestly. Arriving at the farm, he doesn’t walk in, instead leaning on one of the posts and motioning the man to go into his house. Lambert has no interest in going in himself. He doesn’t know what he’ll actually get after all, and he doesn’t want any crying or screaming if it happens to be something <em> actually </em> useful or expensive.<br/>
<br/>
He doesn’t think himself that lucky, though honestly it's better safe than sorry. He’s not Geralt for fuck’s sake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert waits for an arguably long time before the man comes back out with someone else, his husband most likely, and somehow he’s <em> more </em> nervous than when he went in. He doesn’t seem particularly <em> upset </em> though- which might mean he’s nervous because Lambert just got a load of shit. Just his luck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The men stutter, hemming and hawing for minutes until Lambert has enough of it and snaps, ”Spit it out for fuck’s sake, whatever useless shit I just got I won’t kill you over it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a second he thinks he actually made them wet themselves but no, husband takes a deep breath before going, “<em> It’satinypony. </em>” The words tumble out of his mouth so fast that Lambert has to take a few seconds to decipher what the man just said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert blinks. “A pony.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A tiny one.” The man he saved says.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a sigh Lambert straightens up, it could have been worse all things considered. “Let’s see the tiny pony then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a frantic nod the husband turns on his heels and leads him around the house to a small barn that has an equally small paddock built around it with a loose fence. The other one follows them at a sedated pace, and stops a good ways away from the barn and doesn’t come any closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He notices that the lower half of the fence seems to have been made more secure in haste. Someone’s been trying to close the lower gaps in the fence with every spare plank and other junk that seemed to have been available, he even spys everyday objects that have been used like a washing board and a whole ass wash basin. What the fuck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man opens the gate with some difficulty, having to first move an old, broken table to the side. He motions to Lambert to step in before closing the gate again and moving the table back to blocking the open parts of the gate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert is understandably confused, even if he doesn’t show it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The husband opens the latches to the barn and carefully opens the door, only to jump to the side when a tiny whirlwind comes shooting out of the barn headed directly towards Lambert.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He is both incredibly confused and intrigued. The little thing gallops straight at him, head bowed, and rams his shin- doing <em> absolutely nothing </em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert looks down at the thing that seems to be the <em> tiny pony </em> and quite frankly can’t believe his eyes at how little it actually is. It doesn’t even reach his <em> knees </em> . What the <em> fuck </em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He watches how it tries to make him move with absolutely no success, and then starts biting his shin guards and shoes, stomping with it’s tiny hoofs and making obviously displeased sounds. Lambert can relate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It huffs when it notices it isn’t doing much and turns around, giving him the cold shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, it seems to notice the husband still standing next to the barn and dives right after <em> him </em> . Husband yelps and scrambles <em> into </em> the barn and closes the door as to not let the tiny thing in, and quite frankly if Lambert weren’t this confused still he’d absolutely laugh at the man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As it is, he watches the little terror prance about the paddock, occasionally running straight at the door when it sees that the man is about to try and open it again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hates how he already feels his heart melting watching the tiny thing. It’s fucking <em> adorable </em> for fucks sake, and he feels a certain kind of kinship with something that has so much anger in it’s very small body. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a huff he walks toward the precious terror who promptly tries to headbutt his shins again. He watches it for a few seconds before scooping it up and tucking it under his arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pony tries to wiggle free and kicks it’s little hoofs, making angry noises. He puts his hand on it’s small head and hopes that it won’t bite him. He does contemplate using Axii to calm it down, but the moment he starts scratching it’s head it stops wiggling and goes boneless in his arm. Huh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Husband warily sticks his head out and, when he sees the terror contained, steps out from the barn with a relieved breath. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess this is the ‘tiny pony’,” Lambert says dryly and the husband nods, still seeming nervous.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aye, we got her just now- the old Baker a town over used her Ma for years to tow her cart to the market but she died recently, Melitele bless her soul.” He sniffs and seems to actively hold back tears at that, and Lambert seriously thinks for a moment about just fleeing. He hates dealing with <em> emotions </em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Luckily for him the man pulls himself together and continues, “Her daughter got the pony now but couldn’t afford a second one, and so she gave her ta me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert looks down on it- <em> her- </em> and how she’s melting into his scritches. His heart does a little flip that he will deny until his dying breath and he sighs. As if to approve his silent decision she makes a huff of contentment and Lambert rolls his eyes. “Fine- Guess I’ll take her, nothing I can do about it anyway and <em> I </em> won’t tempt fate.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aye that’s fine Sir Witcher,” the husband says, seeming extremely relieved, “truthfully I didn't know how long we’d’ve been able to keep her, even a pony can be expensive.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Lambert grumbles. He <em> does </em>know, and he especially knows how much it takes to take care of a damn horse, which is the reason he never got himself one in the first place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Any tack for her or something?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man shakes his head, “Nay, we got her without a thing and I’ve used a rope so far to tame her.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert snorts, taming her, sure. That guy’d have better luck trying to mount a fiend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whatever, we’re done.” Lambert, still with the pony under his arm, turns to leave but gets interrupted by the husband. He’s taken a step forward, hand in an aborted motion to reach out while he clears his throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rolling his eyes in annoyance he snaps, “<em> What </em>?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uhm-” the husband starts, heart beating fast and fear once again trickling into the air. “I’m sorry Sir Witcher,” he tries again, stuttering and nervousness increasing with each word. “But, well, you’re not gonna… eat her, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert blinks and turns around. That guy is serious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looks down at her and back to the man before he takes her and holds her out in front of him. “Are you <em> shitting </em> me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His hands nearly span her whole tiny body and she huffs, displeased. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The husband looks at her and then at Lambert, looking like he might piss himself, and stammers out something like a sorry before fleeing in the direction of the house. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>With another huff the pony tries to bite his fingers and Lambert rolls his eyes, tucks her back under the arm again to scritch behind her ears. “Yeah, yeah, little terror, I see how it is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He turns in the opposite direction of the house and starts marching, the pony utterly relaxed in his arm- as long as he keeps petting her, that is. The <em> moment </em> he takes his hand away for even a second she tries to bite him. “Fucking precious aren’t you? Precious and spoiled, don’t get used to it though. I’m not fucking <em> soft </em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pony, of course, doesn’t answer him and just lets out grunting sounds whenever Lambert hits a spot that she <em> really </em> likes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lambert sighs and walks into the direction of a saddler he’s friends with, and who’s hopefully discreet enough to <em> not </em> laugh at him. Although considering how he’s had multiple drinking escapades with this fellow- their wife makes the best spirit that side of the trash pit of the continent. And used said drunken sprees to both laugh and complain about his fellow wolves, he’s not too sure about that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the <em> fuck </em> am I supposed to do with a fucking pony.” He asks himself and has the urge to bang his head against a wall. No one will ever let him live this down, he’s <em> so </em> fucked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a huff, the pony headbutts his hand and he can’t help but give a tiny smirk. At least he’s got a fucking firebrand of a thing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And, he will never ever admit this to anyone else, <em> ever </em> , but she <em> is </em> kind of precious. </p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://cassandrasartworld.tumblr.com/">My Art Tumblr!</a> You're welcome to pop by &lt;3</p>
<p>Would also massively love some reblogs for my art <a href="https://cassandrasartworld.tumblr.com/post/645018611923222528/the-husband-opens-the-latches-to-the-barn-and">here</a></p>
<p>Also! Since i am getting enabled left and right I might continue the adventures of Lambert and his pony (who's name is gonna be Precious! if i didn't hint at it enough xD)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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